The Graffiti Collection - Part 1
If this machine is out of order, please see the landlord.
– if it's in order, please see the barmaid.
This is the worst chewing-gum I've ever tasted.
– yes, but you can blow fantastic bubbles.
Buy me and stop one.
Buy two and be one jump ahead.
Buy 144 and be grossly oversexed.
Place £2 in slot, wait for coins to drop, pull handle out,
push firmly back.
– if this is sex, it sounds extremely boring.
Cuts out oven doubt.
Approved to British Standard BS3704
– so was the Titanic!
My Dad says they don't work.
Someone, somewhere wants a letter from you.
New Shape! New Sensitivity!
– but the same old feeling.
Beware Limbo Dancers
(At bottom of cubicle door)
Beware Irish Limbo Dancer
((At top of cubicle door)
If you can reach this high you should be in the fire brigade.
This is not an instruction.
Please do not throw cigarette ends in the urinal.
– it makes them all soggy and hard to light.
Masturbation stunts the growth.
(Bottom of cubicle door) – now you tell me.
Thank God, a man at last!
(Underside of seat in Ladies)
Sociology degrees – please take one.
(Above toilet roll holder)
Mary – if you're reading this, we're through.
(In a Gents)
The future of the nation is in your hands.
Doesn't anything or anybody work in this place?
– yes me, I put up the Out of Order signs.
I am a practising transvestite. Meet me here Sunday at 8pm.
– how will I recognise you?
Patrons are requested to remain seated throughout the performance.
Beware! Jacques Cousteau filming.
Just when you thought it was save to back in the loo...
If you can read this, you're peeing all over your shoes.
Press button for a 60-second speech from Cecil Parkinson.
(On electric hand-dryer)
– and be recognised.
Schizophrenia rules, OK, OK
Cowardice rules, if that's OK by you.
Queen Elizabeth rules, UK.
Potassium Ethoxide rules C2H5OK
Amnesia rules, O
Personal Hygiene rules, BO.
Anarchy, no rules, OK?
Hurlingham rules, crocquet.
Procrastination will rule one day, OK?
Rooner Spules, KO?
Nostalgia rules, hokey-cokey?
Proof-readers rule, 01<?
The King of Siam rules Bangk,OK.
Pedants rule, OK. Or more precisely, exhibit certain of the conventional trappings of leadership.
Town criers rule – okez, okez, okez.
-- --- .-. ... . ._. ..- ._.. . ... --- -.- ..--..
French dockers rule, au quai?
James Bond rules, OOK?
Bureaucracy rules, OK
Agnostics may or may not rule, OK?
The Rubaiyat rules, OK?
Queensberry Rules, KO?
Slide Rules, OK?
My girlfriend wears black rubber and whips me. Ohhhh Kay!
British trees rule. Oak, eh?
Synonyms govern, all right.
Royce Rolls, KO?
Jargon rules, ongoing agreement situation.
Dyslexics lure, KO.
Heisenberg probably rules, OK.
Anagrams or luke?
Roget's Thesaurus dominates, regulates, rules, OK, all right, adequately.
George Gershwin rules. "Oh, Kay"
Rogers and Hammerstein rule Ok.
OK sauce rules, HP.
Matadors rule, ole!
Pope Innocent is pious, OK?
Balliol boot boys rule, OK?
Free the ITV 7.
Free the Heinz 57.
Free the M62.
Free the VAT 69.
Free the Chiltern Hundreds.
Free the InterCity 125.
Free Collective Bargaining.
– He's innocent.
Free Deirdre Rachid!
– with every 5 gallons..
Deirdre Rachid is
innos inocc guilty