The Graffiti Collection - Part 2
Bill Stickers Will Be Prosecuted
– Bill Stickers is innocent!
Breakfast in London.
Lunch in New York.
– luggage in Bermuda.
(British Airways poster)
BRITISH RAIL ADVISE THAT THIS THOROUGHFARE IS NOT DEDICATED TO THE
PUBLIC.
– neither is British Rail
WARNING. PASSENGERS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO CROSS THE LINES.
– it takes hours to untangle them.
Every day, 88 InterCity trains leave Birmingham.
– but only 5 get back.
THIS IS THE AGE OF THE TRAIN
– ours was 107
Burgers in Berkshire,
Wine in Wiltshire,
Coffee in Cornwall.
– sick in St Ives.
(BR catering poster)
75% OF BISHOPS TAKE THE TIMES.
– the other 25% pay for it.
The First Three Minutes of Life Can be the Most Dangerous.
– the last three are pretty dodgy, too.
TO MAVIS ENDERBY
AND OLD BOLINGBROKE ->
– the gift of a son.
HANDEL'S ORGAN WORKS.
– so does mine.
Do you have a Drink Problem?
– yes, I can't afford it.
Jesus Saves!
– with the Co-op bank.
Jesus Saves!
– but Bremner scores on the rebound.
Jesus Christ is Coming!
– only if he remembers to change at Darlington.
Jesus Lives!
– does this mean we won't get an Easter holiday?
GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGH ST
(Defaced Church poster)
Are You Tired of Sin, and Longing for a Rest?
– if not, phone Bayswater 587364
Prayer Meeting 8pm. Refreshments provided afterwards.
– come to pray, stay to scoff.
Reading maketh a full man;
Conference a ready man;
And writing an exact man
- Bacon
– a fat man.
In 1066, near this spot, the Romans landed and were repelled by the
men of Romney
– so am I.
The Revd Charles Spurgeon departed for Heaven at 6.30am today.
– 10.45am. Not yet arrived. Getting anxious. Peter.
Soft Shoulders.
– warm thighs.
(Roadside sign)
HARWICH FOR THE CONTINENT.
– Frinton for the incontinent
It is forbidden to throw tantrums on the line.
(London tube station)
Vaseline makes the coming easy. And the going back.
Two nuns in a bath. One says, "where's the soap?" The other one says, "yes, it does, doesn't it."
I just exposed myself to two nuns. One fainted, the other had a stroke.
In a recent survey, 10% of men said they preferred women with fat legs, 10% preferred women with thin legs, and the other 80% said they preferred something in-between.
In recent tests, 138% of maths teachers scored below average.
You can divide the world into two sorts of people. Those who divide the world into two sorts of people...
For a good time, ring 123.
What's the difference between a barrow-boy and a dachshund?
One bawls out his wares, the other has blue eyes.
What's a man with a 12-inch prick have for breakfast?
Well, this morning I had coffee...
I've got a 12-inch prick, but I don't use it as a rule.
How did I get a 12-inch prick?
By folding it in half.
In the beginning was the word. And the word was Aardvark.
The early worm gets the bird.
Man is born free, but everywhere is in chains. Smash the cistern.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% mortality rate.
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
I'm pink, therefore I'm spam.
There was no way. Zen there was.
Genghis Kahn but Emmanuel Kant.
Your karma has run over my dogma.
How will I know if I'm enlightened?
This statement is false.
Tapeworms reach the parts that even Heineken cannot reach.
Dyslexics of the world untie!
What's DNA stand for?
National Dyslexics Association.
Did you hear about the dyslexic devil-worshipper who sold his soul to santa?
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
The Eskimos are God's frozen people.
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
All men eat but Fu Manchu.
Beam me up where?
Is muffin the mule a criminal offence?
Perforation is a rip-off.
I believe in love at first site.
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Virginity is like a balloon. One prick and it's gone.
To all virgins – thanks for nothing.
I've just lost my virginity.
– let me help you look for it.