The Graffiti Collection - Part 3
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
– it will be one day though.
I like sadism, necrophilia and bestiality. Am I flogging a dead horse?
Heteros go homo.
Some girls shrink from sex. Others get bigger... and bigger...
Say it with flowers. Give her a Triffid.
But for Venetian blinds, it would be curtains for us all.
Good job Dr. Spooner never knew about Friar Tuck and his cunning stunts.
What made Elizabeth Arden?
When Max Factor.
Was Handel a crank?
Quasimodo – now that name rings a bell.
Paul Daniels – now there's a name to conjure with.
Please do not touch me.
Please do not touch.
Please do not.
I never used to be able to finish anything, but now I
Tolkein is Hobbit-forming.
To do is to be – Rousseau.
To be is to do – Sartre.
Doo-be-doo-be-doo – Sinatra.
Support Women's Lib. Make him sleep in the damp patch.
Women's Libbers should all be put behind bras.
The best things in life are duty-free.
Is the Regent's Park toilet a Zulu?
Stockhausen is terrible, especially if you tread in it.
MAKE LOVE NOT WAR!
(See driver for details)
Please give generously.
Give peace a aarghh...
Uncle George died of asbestosis. It took us three months to cremate him.
I bet you I could stop gambling.
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.
Free Access through field to footpath
– However, the bull charges.
Yesterday I couldn't even spell engineer.
Now I are one.
If 100 Essex girls were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised.
Why do Essex girls wear C & A knickers?
So they know which way round to put them on.
Karl Marx's grave is just another communist plot.
Rugby is a game played by men with odd-shaped balls.
Why do fireman have bigger balls than policeman?
Because they sell more tickets.
Nerves of steel, heart of gold, and a knob of butter.
Abstinence is the thin end of the pledge.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
Don't let them cut hire education.
Dwelling-unit sweet dwelling-unit.
Last month's meeting of the Apathy Society has just been cancelled.
God is alive and well and working on a less ambitious project.
When God made man she was only practising.
Racist language should be blacked.
You don't buy beer, you only rent it.
I thought wanking was a Chinese city until I discovered Smirnoff.
Psychologists produce habits out of rats.
TS Eliot is an anagram of toilets.
Sex Discrimination Hotline – switchboard manned 24 hours.
Before I discovered women, I though love was just a pain in the arse.
This wall has been designated MS Bodl 20539 and will shortly be removed for rebinding.
Women like the simple things in life – like men.
Why are men like lavatories?
They're either vacant, engaged, or full of crap.
A women without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
– yeh, but who needs a stationary haddock?
It begins when you sink in his arms. And ends with your arms in his sink.
Men only put women on pedestals so they can look up their skirts.
Men who put women on pedestals rarely knock them off.
I haven't been inside a woman since I visited the Statue of Liberty.
The biggest drawback in the world – an elephant's foreskin.
Ignore this sign.
I've told you a hundred thousand times, stop exaggerating!
Skinheads have more hair than brains.
Archduke Franz Ferdinand found alive. First World War a mistake.
Cunnilingus is a real tongue-twister.
Cunnilingus is not an Irish airline.
Oral sex is a matter of taste.
If little girls are made of sugar and spice, why do they taste of tuna?
My girlfriend wears a black garter in memory of all those who've passed beyond.
Alas, poor Yorlik – I knew him backwards.
All coppers are bent.
– so that's why they get keep getting stuck in the slot.
If Typhoo put the T in Britain, who put the arse in Marseilles?
If Typhoo put the T in Britain, who put the c**t in Scunthrorpe?
I used to be a necrophiliac until some rotten c**t split on me.
What do you get if you cross a microchip with a vagina?
Some little c**t that knows it all.
My girlfriend used to kiss me on the lips. But now it's all over.
Women are like pianos – when they're not upright, they're grand.
Down with gravity!
Gravity is a myth. The earth sucks.
Marijuana has nevre dunn mi nya hram.
My mother made me a homosexual.
– if I get her the wool, will she make one for me too?
Nothing succeeds like a parrot.
Racial prejudice is just a pigment of the imagination.
Veni. Vidi. Vivi.
Vidi. Vici. Veni.
Vici. Veni. VD.